This is my story. How it all began.
I was fortunate to be raised by loving parents, was well supported in every aspect of my life. I was also well regarded by others for my “talents” in studies, sports, computers and pretty much everything, at least compared to my peers within my social circle. It only felt natural that I progressed through life because of my gifts. And then one day, things started falling apart. It was when I had moved out from my hometown, to a different country to study and to be employed. It was the typical experience of someone who had difficulty integrating into a new society. But for me, it truly affected my performance in more ways that I could imagine. To cut the story short, I broke down, lost my health, lost my energy, lost my happiness, and finally lost my faith(hope). It wasn’t instant; it took a few years to wear down all the layers of optimism that I had with me when I embarked on this foreign journey.
At that time, my only excitement for the day was online gaming, one where I had the chance to step up my game(iteratively), and prove to myself(and the world) what I was capable of, and to garner respect from the global virtual community. Over time, gaming became an addiction, and also a source of energy(like a drug) for the day. Even after I had entered the workforce, the addiction remained and I would engage myself into the wee hours of the morning, and then rush to perform a day’s worth of excellent work supported by caffeine, and then back to my games in the evening. The “cycle” continued and I was happy with the progress made in my gaming skills, and in my workplace.
As I took on more responsibilities at work, the pressures grew so much that gaming was starting to turn into a temporary relief or distraction, and serve as micro-wins to emotionally offset struggles at work. It took 9 months of tough work and a diminishing desire for gaming to start creating problems for me. I remember the trigger point for me was when I decided to try playing the game in a more relaxed and detached manner, and after the end of it, found myself suddenly gasping for air. It was as if my diaphragm and lungs were in spasm and could no longer serve me. Then in an instant, I felt cold sensations all over my chest, my heart started to race and pound harder with each beat. I felt dizzy and was about to lose my consciousness. I mustered all my effort to reach to my then girlfriend’s room to get her help to pray for me and to gently caress my chest, as I focused intently on steadying my heart beat by intensively forcing a consistent diaphragmic breathing. I recall that whenever I let go of my meditation efforts, the same sensations would start to return.
It truly felt like a life or death situation for me. “Control my heartbeat, or I will get into cardiac arrest”, what my belief at that time.
Fast forward 2 months(as well as 2 months of intense self-meditations), multiple hospital visits, consultations with cardiologists, GPs, psychiatrists, I regained my health in a spontaneous and truly mystical way without the need for surgery or medication. Two years later, I am still documenting and discovering what could have happened to me, what led to it, and what was it that helped me recover. For sure, it was none from the specialist doctors above, except maybe the compassionate heart of the psychiatrist that provided soothing relief. The rest were unempathetic but I would not blame them. No one would be able to imagine what kinds of sensations and pains ran through me – not even my psychiatrist. The large part of my battle was within myself, against myself, all while being supported by my same loving parents in whatever way they could.
To me personally, my recovery was a miracle. And surely it was not by any coincidence. As part of my recovery, I gained a newfound mission in life and that would be to serve others, and to use my abilities to help the world. For in my prayers, that was a contract necessary for me to regain my health and vitality. I awakened with a new awareness (that was around the time just before the disappearance of MH370 and the new rise religious terrors), and began my journey to seek “truth” in a fundamental, absolute and philosophical sense. Because through my experience, I believe that there is a “good” way of doing things, that would support sustainable and prosperous progression of humanity.
I’m actively seeking learned individuals who have had similar experiences(traces can be found all across writings from different civilizational periods).
My hope for Mightminder to be portal that discusses Ideas , new and old, for advancing human societies. It also documents my lifelong journey towards discovering and applying useful knowledge that would benefit health.
I invite you to connect with me at mightminder@gmail.com
To Our Greater Vision,
Jen